Grief is a universal experience, yet it affects each person in deeply personal ways. When we lose someone or something important, the emotional journey that follows can feel overwhelming. One of the most well-known frameworks for understanding grief is the Five Stages of Grief, developed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969. These stages help explain the complex emotions people face while mourning. However, it’s essential to remember that grief is not a linear process everyone moves through these stages at their own pace, and some may skip stages altogether.
The Five Stages of Grief
The five stages denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are not meant to box in your experience but to help you recognise and validate your emotions. Understanding each stage can provide a sense of clarity during an emotionally turbulent time.
1. Denial: A Protective Mechanism
The first stage of grief is denial, which often acts as a buffer to protect us from the full weight of our loss. In this stage, the reality of the situation may feel too painful to accept, leading to thoughts like, “This can’t be happening” or “There must be a mistake.”
Denial allows us to process grief in smaller, manageable steps. Though it might seem like you’re avoiding the pain, it’s the mind’s way of preventing emotional overload.
How to Cope: While denial can offer temporary relief, it’s important to gradually face the reality of your loss. Journaling or speaking with a trusted friend can help bridge the gap between denial and acceptance.
2. Anger: Confronting the Pain
As the protective barrier of denial fades, anger often emerges. This stage may be characterised by feelings of frustration, rage, or bitterness. You might ask, “Why did this happen to me?” or “It’s not fair.” Anger can be directed at yourself, others, or even the person or thing you lost.
Psychologists note that anger is a natural part of the healing process. It helps you express the emotional pain you’re experiencing, but it’s important to channel it constructively.
How to Cope: Find healthy outlets for your anger. Physical activity, creative expression, or speaking with a therapist can help you process these feelings without letting them consume you.
3. Bargaining: A Search for Control
During the bargaining stage, you may find yourself thinking about “what if” scenarios, hoping that by changing something in the past, you can avoid the pain of loss. This stage reflects a deep desire to regain control during a time of helplessness. People often make promises to a higher power or themselves, saying things like, “If only I had done this, maybe things would be different.”
While bargaining can give us a temporary sense of hope, it also highlights our vulnerability and inability to change certain outcomes.
How to Cope: Acknowledge that some things are beyond your control. Focus on the present and what you can do to heal moving forward, rather than dwelling on hypothetical situations.
4. Depression: The Weight of Loss
The depression stage is often the most challenging because it brings the full reality of the loss to the forefront. Feelings of sadness, loneliness, and despair are common, and it’s natural to feel withdrawn during this phase.
Clinical psychologists advise that this stage is not necessarily a sign of clinical depression but rather an expected response to grief. However, if these feelings persist for an extended period, it may be helpful to seek professional support.
How to Cope: Allow yourself to grieve fully without rushing the process. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family, and if needed, speak to a counsellor or therapist to work through your emotions.
5. Acceptance: Moving Forward with the Loss
Acceptance is not about forgetting or minimising the loss; rather, it’s about coming to terms with it. In this stage, you begin to find ways to live with the grief, integrating it into your daily life. Acceptance doesn’t mean you no longer feel sadness, but it signals the beginning of healing.
You might start to develop new routines, relationships, or find meaning in your experiences. Acceptance allows you to move forward without denying the reality of the loss.
How to Cope: Take small steps towards rebuilding your life. Reflect on how the person or thing you lost has shaped who you are today and focus on positive memories and growth.
Grieving Is Personal: There Is No “Right” Way
It’s crucial to understand that not everyone will go through the five stages in the same way or in the same order. Grief can be messy and unpredictable. The key is to give yourself permission to feel whatever comes naturally and seek support when needed. There is no “correct” timeline for healing.
Therapists and grief experts agree that seeking professional guidance or joining support groups can help ease the burden, especially if you’re feeling stuck in a particular stage. Your grief journey is unique, and with time, healing is possible.
For those who turn to faith, grieving can also be a time to seek deeper spiritual comfort. Grieving the loss of a loved one can feel overwhelming, but in times of sorrow, turning to Jesus offers comfort, peace and hope. Jesus understands our pain and invites us to bring our burdens to Him. Through His love and grace, Jesus can heal our hearts, replacing grief with peace that transcends understanding. By trusting in His promises and leaning on His strength, we can find solace in knowing that He is with us, offering the eternal peace that only He can provide.